ALDA Mom's Mom

Yesterday I made reference to a group of people who made me feel blessed to be alive. And I was going to write about them here. But I've changed my mind because somebody's no longer alive. Mary Clark's mother died yesterday.

Mary Clark is the planning chair for ALDAcon who badgered me until I got involved on a committee. I didn't know her mother, who lived in Maine far from my home in not-Gary Cary, IL. But it doesn't matter. Whenever somebody else's mom dies, I think of my own mother and her death even though it happened very long ago, in 1989. That adds to the compassion and empathy I feel for that somebody else, and today it is Mary.

Mary and I have had our differences, and what is customarily called a "falling out." We got angry at each other and for quite a few years we didn't communicate. Then one day I got an email from her, friendly in tone, asking how I and my family were doing. I responded in a humorless sentence or two, something like "I'm fine and Karina is fine and the kids are doing great." Thereafter she periodically sent me email asking questions about something or other, and I would always respond brusquely because I didn't really care to correspond. But with the persistence that sucked me into ALDAcon slavery, her emails eventually broke through my intransigence. So completely that at ALDAcon 2006 we closed down a 2 o'clock bar a couple blocks from the hotel.

Occasionally Mary writes pieces in ALDA News about her everyday experiences as a deaf parent, calling herself ALDA Mom. They are rambling and lighthearted, while still expressing the oft-repressed truth that deafness ain't much fun. The trip to Maine for her mother's services will be a solemn one for ALDA Mom. I don't know how easily her family communicates with her, but I suspect that too won't be fun. Fortunately she has the support of her immense family of ALDA friends to help see her through. Which reminds me all over again of the fundamental value of ALDA: emotional and psychological support for late-deafened adults when they need it.